Austin Powers: The 25 Best Dr. Evil Quotes

Austin Powers may be a hilarious character, but the many hilarious Dr. Evil quotes show the villain of the Mike Myers franchise is even funnier. Spoofing 1960s spy movies, including the James Bond franchise, the Austin Powers trilogy showcases the fight between the titular spy and his nemesis Dr. Evil. The trilogy — Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, and Austin Powers in Goldmember — pokes fun at typical spy thriller tropes. However, while there are tons of great Austin Powers quotes, it’s the Dr. Evil quotes that many consider much more memorable.

Both Austin Powers characters are played by Mike Myers, with the comedic actor showing his incredible talent to disappear into both roles. It has been several decades since the third and final Austin Powers movie was released, but many Dr. Evil quotes have stayed with fans as a reminder of one of the greatest comedy movie villains of all time. Whether the villain is being protective of their cat, joking about parenting, or just feeling nefarious, fans of the Austin Powers movies cite the many, many memorable Dr. Evil quotes as the funniest moments in the franchise.

25 “Just Know That I Have A Whole Bag Of ‘Shh!’ With Your Name On It.”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

It’s a known fact that many James Bond villains enjoy the sound of their own voice much more than listening to others, and Dr. Evil, as a parody of them, mimics this. However, if there’s one person that Dr. Evil really doesn’t like listening to more than the rest, it’s his son Scotty (played by Seth Green). This becomes apparent from the very first Austin Powers movie, when Dr. Evil proves he is not an evil mastermind who likes to be questioned as he goes on a shushing tirade when his son dares to question his plans.

Dr. Evil even introduces the world to the pre-emptive “shh” which comes before Scotty even starts talking. The scene goes on and on, with Dr. Evil saying things like “www-dot-shh-dot-com” and other hilarious lines each time Scott tries to open his mouth and offer his thoughts. It is a lot of fun seeing an evil genius being so immature, which is a trademark Dr. Evil trait.

24 “You’re The Best Evil Son An Evil Dad Could Ever Ask For.”

Austin Powers in Goldmember

The most hilarious part about Dr. Evil’s relationship with his son, Scotty, is that his son loathed him and everything he stood for. However, by the third movie in the franchise, Austin Powers in Goldmember, Scotty has a change of heart and embraces the evil ways of his father and his family name — a moment that fills Dr. Evil with an insurmountable level of pride.

The only time Dr. Evil is proud of Scott is when he does something that is dark, mean, or downright evil.

A seemingly normal, albeit rebellious and angry young man, Scott is also just yearning for his father to stop trying to take over the world and spend a little bit of time with him. It seems the only time Dr. Evil is proud of Scott is when he does something that is dark, mean, or downright evil. One of the best Dr. Evil quotes comes when Scotty finally begins to follow in his father’s footsteps, with Dr. Evil proclaiming that Scotty is “the best evil son an evil dad could ever ask for.” Scotty’s turn to evil also sets up an interesting plot line for the potential Austin Powers 4.

23 “Why Must I Be Surrounded By Frickin’ Idiots?”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

James Bond villains have henchmen and minions to carry out their evil plans, so it makes sense Dr. Evil does as well. And, much like the henchmen of the many villains 007 faces, Dr. Evil’s own underlings are not very effective. However, while James Bond’s adversaries are always too proud or Stoic to vent their frustration with those they hire to do their bidding, Dr. Evil has no such reservations.

Many of the most hilarious Dr. Evil quotes come when he has a tantrum prompted by the incompetence of his minions and henchmen. The irony of his frustration is that he isn’t exactly the most intelligent villain. While his team dutifully followed him anywhere, for reasons unknown, they all seemed far more intelligent and logical than him. Yet, Dr. Evil didn’t hesitate to call out his crew, throwing out insulting names like calling them “frickin’ idiots” when they were all doing their best to help him.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

While Dr. Evil gets a little confused with jumping through time across the three Austin Powers movies, time travel can benefit him in some big ways. This includes the fact that he can use future knowledge to play mind games with his enemies. After going back in time to the 1960s, Dr. Evil calls the President of the United States and demands he pay a ransom while showing the power of his deadly laser.

This moment of meta-humor in
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
is made all the funnier when Dr. Evil fully admits that he simply showed a scene from a film.

What then follows is a scene that the President in the 1960s has never seen before, but many viewers instantly recognize. The footage is enough to scare the president, but modern audiences immediately recognize it as the iconic White House explosion scene from Independence Day. This moment of meta-humor in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is made all the funnier when Dr. Evil fully admits that he simply showed a scene from a film, but that his own weapon of mass destruction will have a similar effect.

21 “Not Really. Kill The Little B******, See If I Care.”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil is such a hilarious Bond villain parody because he has none of the gravitas and reservedness of 007’s various foes, and instead responds to his nemesis, Austin Powers, with a significant level of sass and facetiousness. Dr. Evil is often very flippant, more worried about being in charge and having everyone listen to him than he is about accomplishing anything.

This trait leads to some of the best Dr. Evil quotes. It is especially hilarious in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery when he directs that indifference to his son as Austin Powers holds Scott at gunpoint to force Dr. Evil to surrender. Rather than relenting or surrendering to Austin, Dr. Evil shows no interest in saving Scott’s life, even throwing in some insulting words while condemning him to death. Interestingly, it is effective as Scott is so upset that Austin simply lets him storm off in anger. However, it is giving Dr. Evil too much credit to suggest that was his plan all along.

20 “Cuz You’re Not Quite Evil Enough.”

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

The relationship between Scott and Dr. Evil is responsible for many hilarious moments throughout the Austin Powers trilogy, but one of the funniest comes in the second movie, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. In one of the many Austin Powers cameos, Dr. Evil and Scott go on Jerry Springer’s show for a special episode about evil fathers and their sons. It is a moment that continues to explore the complicated dynamic between the father and son with Dr. Evil being hilariously blunt with Scott about why he abandoned him.

It makes for a hilarious way to reintroduce Dr. Evil in the sequel while further strengthening the Dr. Evil and Scott storyline

After telling Scott that he isn’t evil enough, Dr. Evil turns to the booing audience and tells them, “well, it’s true.” It makes for a hilarious way to reintroduce Dr. Evil in the sequel while further strengthening the Dr. Evil and Scott storyline, which is one of the most hilarious running gags in the Austin Powers trilogy.

19 “Is He Sleeping? Well, That’s Okay. I Guess Mini-Me Won’t Get Any… Chocolate!”

Austin Powers in Goldmember

Dr. Evil’s relationship with his son Scott isn’t the only familial connection the villain has that creates many hilarious moments throughout the franchise, as interactions with his clone, Mini-Me, create just as many unforgettable laugh-out-loud quotes. Dr. Evil treats Mini-Me like the son he never had, doting over him and using him to do his bidding. Even though Mini-Me is actually a grown man, however, he constantly treats him like a child and Mini-Me is all too happy to oblige.

One of the especially funny Dr. Evil and Mini-Me moment comes in Austin Powers in Goldmember. Mini-Me decides to have a nap when he is supposed to be working, and Dr. Evil uses chocolate to entice him awake — a reward that is bound to wake up most kids from a deep slumber at the mere thought. Their odd relationship one of the funniest aspects of the Austin Powers movies, and seeing Dr. Evil interact with Mini-Me this way is priceless.

18 “You Know, I Have One Simple Request, And That Is To Have Sharks With Frickin’ Laser Beams Attached To Their Heads!”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil uses the word “frickin'” like punctuation, which is especially hilarious given that he has no qualms about being immoral when it comes to murder or theft, but seems to have an issue with cursing. While it is funny that a criminal mastermind holding himself back from actually swearing, he uses the word so often, that it highlights his petulant temper. Perhaps the funniest use of the word comes in a Dr. Evil quote that many consider synonymous with the character — when he bemoans the fact that he doesn’t have sharks equipped with laser beams.

It’s a ridiculous request, but to Dr. Evil, it seems completely logical and his displeasure about it sounds more like a child throwing a tantrum.

In this instance, Dr. Evil’s acting as though his demand for laser beams attached to the heads of sharks is incredibly simple and he’s baffled about why his team can’t oblige him, which makes for one of his most hilarious lines in any Austin Powers movie. Of course, it’s a ridiculous request, but to Dr. Evil, it seems completely logical and his displeasure about it sounds more like a child throwing a tantrum.

17 “I’ve Been Frozen For Thirty Years, Okay?”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

The time travel in the Austin Powers movies makes for many of the best quotes in the franchise, whether they’re from the hero Austin Powers or Dr. Evil. Both the hero and the villain end up being fish out of water in the first movie as they find themselves going from the 1960s to the 1990s. While Austin Powers struggles with the cultural changes of the time, Dr. Evil finds that missing out on 30 years of history has impacted his evil plans.

Upon being thawed out and reanimated, Dr. Evil lays out several plans, including framing Prince Charles for having an affair to blackmail the Royal Family and shooting holes in the O-Zone layer. Hearing that these things had already happened, Dr. Evil angrily tells his minions they need to update him on current events. What makes this Dr. Evil quote especially hilarious is that he believes these events would be world-threatening, but instead, the world managed to carry on despite them.

16 “Doctor Evil! I Didn’t Spend Six Years In Evil Medical School To Be Called ‘Mister,’ Thank You Very Much.”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Many villains in spy thrillers of the mid-20th century (not to mention comic books and superhero films too) are doctors of some description, though exactly what they hold a doctorate in is rarely, if ever, disclosed. This is why the Dr. Evil quote when he directly brings up his professional title is so utterly hilarious.

Dr. Evil probably isn’t an actual doctor, yet he claims to have attended an institution named “Evil Medical School,” which in itself is funny to imagine and perfectly fits the spy world of the
Austin Powers
movies.

Dr. Evil probably isn’t an actual doctor, yet he claims to have attended an institution named “Evil Medical School,” which in itself is funny to imagine and perfectly fits the spy world of the Austin Powers movies. Possibly because it makes him sound smart even though he’s sort of like a bratty child, stamping his feet when he doesn’t get his way, and trapped in an adult body. It is another reminder that most of Dr. Evil’s image is carefully crafted to appear like an evil genius, yet he doesn’t have anything to actually back it up.

15 “Throw Me A Frickin’ Bone Here!”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil’s frustration with his minions and underlings is a recurring theme of the franchise and one of the most recognizable traits of his character, but his repeated pleas to them to “throw him a frickin’ bone” — which both contains his go-to pseudo-curse “frickin'” and is delivered with a dash of unvillainly slang vernacular — is the one viewer’s most associate with this particular chagrin of Austin Power’s nemesis.

This Dr. Evil quote is one of the most often used by fans of the Austin Powers movies. Throughout the trilogy, “throw me a frickin’ bone here” becomes something of a catchphrase for Dr. Evil, often spoken in frustration when he didn’t get his way or when he couldn’t get a little bit of help. It speaks to Dr. Evil’s incompetence that he often has to make excuses for being wrong or his plans not working out. The idea of a criminal mastermind asking that people take it easy on him is something only Dr. Evil could pull off.

14 “My Father Would Womanize, He Would Drink. He Would Make Outrageous Claims Like He Invented The Question Mark.”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers in Goldmember dived into the origin of Austin Power’s nemesis, including a flashback sequence and the reveal that Dr. Evil and Austin Powers both attended school together and were long-lost brothers. However, the funniest Dr. Evil quote that’s related to the villain’s backstory came much earlier in the franchise in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, when he went into a monologue about his eccentric father. Dr. Evil spills detail after bizarre detail about his paternal guardian, with each reveal stranger and more bombastic than the last.

“My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking. I suggest you try it.”

While every detail is funny in its own way, the fact that Dr. Evil’s dad claimed to have invented the question mark is undoubtedly the one that gets the biggest laugh from viewers. Dr. Evil had a very strange upbringing with a lot of sadness and trauma, but Mike Myers manages to make the whole story of his childhood seem irreverently hilarious through his deadpan delivery. The story itself is so bizarre that Austin Powers fans still find themselves quoting selected lines from it even today.

13 “That Makes Me Angry, And When Dr. Evil Gets Angry, Mr. Bigglesworth Gets Upset. And When Mr. Bigglesworth Gets Upset, People Die!”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil parodies a number of James Bond villains at various points in the Austin Powers trilogy, but there’s a specific 007 antagonist most of his mannerisms and his appearances are directly (and hilariously) lifted from. While Myers has said he modeled the characters from an impression of Saturday Night Live‘s Lorne Michaels, Dr. Evil is also a hilarious take on the iconic James Bond villain Blofeld, specifically, the Donald Pleasence version who appears in You Only Live Twice.

Dr. Evil’s cat has the hilarious unintimidating name “Mr. Bigglesworth”.

Blofeld loves to sit in his favorite chair, stroking his pet cat, and Dr. Evil is first introduced in the Austin Powers movies in much the same way. Except Dr. Evil’s cat is hairless to match his own head. What’s more, Dr. Evil’s cat has the hilarious unintimidating name “Mr. Bigglesworth”. Mr. Bigglesworth was one of the funniest references to James Bond movies in Austin Powers and his love for his cat is a rare endearing quality in the villain.

12 “Now, Ladies And Gentlemen, We Finally Have A Working Tractor Beam, Which We Shall Call… Preparation H.”

Austin Powers in Goldmember

This Dr. Evil quote from the third Austin Powers movie is a quick and simple gag, but one that’s still incredibly memorable (especially since it leads to an equally hilarious interaction between Dr. Evil and his son Scott). Even in moments of victory, Dr. Evil can’t help but make himself look foolish. After preparations A to G for his tractor beam failed, Dr. Evil proudly announces the success of “Preparation H.”

Scott is quick to point out that Preparation H is a popular brand name for a cream used to treat hemorrhoids, thus humiliating his father in another one of his big moments. But Dr. Evil often seems oblivious to obvious facts like that, which is all part of his charm. While it’s purely coincidental that Dr. Evil and his team just so happen to be on their eighth attempt at a tractor beam, the name choice just makes for an unfortunate and hilarious oversight.

11 “Ladies And Gentlemen, Welcome To My Submarine Lair. It’s Long, Hard And Full Of Seamen! No? Nothing? Not Even A Titter? Tough Sub…”

Austin Powers in Goldmember

Every once in a while, Dr. Evil would try to crack a joke and hope that his typically stone-faced, loyal crew might actually laugh, but they never do, at least not when he hoped they would, and especially not at this joke. Another James Bond trope that the Austin Powers movies parody throughout is 007’s penchant for a double entendre or two, especially in his earlier incarnations like those played by Sean Connery and Roger Moore.

While Austin Powers manages to get laughs from his peers at every turn when making risqué puns, Dr. Evil does not.

While Austin Powers manages to get laughs from his peers at every turn when making risqué puns, Dr. Evil does not. His description of his submarine in Austin Powers in Goldmember is rife with innuendo, but the antagonist of the franchise doesn’t get positive reactions when he delivers lines like this compared to when Powers does. Powers has a geeky charm, while Dr. Evil is left disappointed by the lack of reaction to this joke that he likely spent a long time crafting.

10 “Austin Powers… He’s The Snake To My Mongoose… Or The Mongoose To My Snake… Either Way It’s Bad. I Don’t Know Animals. But I Do Know This: This Time, It’s Personal.”

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

If there’s one trope that 007 villains are known for, it’s the evil monologue. It was guaranteed that Austin Powers would parody this with Dr. Evil, and it was equally guaranteed that the result would be laugh-out-loud hilarious. Despite the fact he often acts otherwise, Dr. Evil isn’t the most formidable intellectual villain, a fact that means Austin Powers is able to outsmart him quite easily at almost every opportunity.

Even Dr. Evil’s most menacing lines are filled with errors as he tries to suggest that Powers is his archenemy, the person he wants to eat alive and swallow whole to get rid of. Except, he can’t quite remember if the snake eats the mongoose in the real world, or if it’s the other way around. He gives up on the analogy and simply says it’s personal, quickly moving on before his minions focus too much on his ignorance.

9 “Do You Like Your Quasi-Futuristic Clothes, Mr. Powers? I Designed Them Myself.”

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Some of the best jokes in Austin Powers are both visual gags and moments that almost break the 4th wall, and among the best of these is when Dr. Evil describes his outfit as “quasi-futuristic”, a clear nod to the often-cheesy sci-fi elements of many 1960s spy thrillers that dabbled with (for the time) advanced technology. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me takes a page out of the James Bond movie Moonraker by having the climax take place in outer space.

While it was a little goofy seeing Bond head to space, the second
Austin Powers
movie has a lot of fun with the setting while also poking fun at the “quasi-futuristic” outfits seen in that particular 007 adventure.

While it was a little goofy seeing Bond head to space, the second Austin Powers movie has a lot of fun with the setting while also poking fun at the “quasi-futuristic” outfits seen in that particular 007 adventure. As Dr. Evil shows off the new look to Austin Powers, he admits that he designed them himself. The thought of this evil mastermind taking time out of his world-conquering plans to design space outfits is hilariously absurd.

8 “Why Make Trillions, When We Can Make… Billions?”

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

While Dr. Evil holds a doctorate (that he’s incredibly proud of), it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s smart. When it boils down to it, he’s actually quite hilariously unintelligent, as this memorable Dr. Evil quote shows. One of Dr. Evil’s most well-known quotes is simply “one million dollars!” This is a ransom request for the entire Earth, which he believes was an astronomical number.

However, his epic reveal is met with a muted reaction from his underlings as they have to explain that one million dollars isn’t going to get his evil organization very far in the 1990s. When it is suggested he should demand a trillion dollars instead, he confidently states instead that they should ask for a billion, proving his basic math isn’t very strong for an apparent evil genius. He said it with such force it makes for yet another embarrassing moment for the villain.

7 “Finally, We Come To My Number-Two Man. His Name? Number Two.”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

There are various villains in spy franchises like James Bond and others where the second-in-command to the lead antagonist is simply named after an obvious physical trait or their role in the organization. The obvious examples are, of course, Jaws (who has metal teeth), and Oddjob, who does odd jobs for his boss, Goldfinger. Austin Powers takes this one step further with Dr. Evil, who treats his crew so poorly that he doesn’t even give them proper titles or use their real names.

Beyond the obvious fact that he simply calls him a number instead of learning his name, there are a myriad of bathroom jokes that could apply.

Instead, he calls his number two right-hand man in an eye patch (Robert Wagner), simply Number Two. Beyond the obvious fact that he simply calls him a number instead of learning his name, there are a myriad of bathroom jokes that could apply. It is also another instance of the Austin Powers movies commenting on the tropes of the spy genre as the right-hand henchmen to the villain doesn’t get much development.

6 “Well Don’t Look At Me Like I’m Frickin’ Frankenstein! Give Your Father A Hug!”

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

This Dr. Evil quote is yet another laugh-out-loud moment that comes directly from his incredibly bizarre relationship with his son, Scott. Not a lot moves Dr. Evil emotionally speaking, except for family, of course. Long before his clone Mini-Me, Dr. Evil is told of the existence of his son Scott, who is not so cordial towards his dad. Dr. Evil often struggles to hide his disappointment, and borderline animosity, towards Scott, which is always funny. What’s funnier, however, is when he attempts to be a loving father to him.

After unsuccessfully trying to get close to his son and then botching the Macarena in one of the most underrated jokes of the Austin Powers movies, Dr. Evil attempts to give Scott a hug. The image of his awkwardly shambling towards Scott with his arms outstretched does bear a strong resemblance to Frankenstein, as Dr. Evil points out.