25 Funniest Quotes From Step Brothers

Summary

• Ferrell and McKay deliver another hit with
  Step Brothers
  , allowing for hilarious interactions and memorable quotes between the two leads.
• The movie remains a cult classic comedy, with quotable lines like ”
  I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.
  ”
• Step Brothers’
  humor ranges from childish banter like ”
  I’m gonna take a pillowcase, fill it with bars of soap, and beat the s**t out of you”
  to absurd moments like wrestling a giraffe.

As one of the funniest movies ever made, there are many Step Brothers quotes that fans are still reciting and laughing at all these years later. Step Brothers was one of many collaborations between Will Ferrell and writer-director Adam McKay. Though they had already delivered with Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, Step Brothers allowed the duo to enter into the realm of R-rated comedies with this hilarious story of two immature middle-aged men (Ferrell and John C. Reilly) forced to live together when their parents get married.

The simple premise allows for the two actors to embrace these two outrageous characters in such a fun way as Dale (Reilly) and Brennan (Ferrell) go from enemies to friends throughout the story. Step Brothers was a hit at the box office, and while the critical reception was not exceptional, it has earned a reputation as one of the best comedy movies of all time. Though the long-awaited sequel will likely never happen given McKay and Ferrell’s falling out, the movie remains a cult classic comedy thanks to the many memorable Step Brothers quotes that still remain hilariosu years later.

25 “Today I Saw My Own Son Use A Bicycle As A Weapon.”

Nancy (Mary Steenburgen)

While Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly of course steal the show as Brennan and Dale, every member of the cast has at least one hliarious Step Brothers quote, including Mary Steenburgen as Brennan’s mom Nancy. Mild-mannered bordering on timid when she’s first introduced, Nancy is pushed to her limits when she comes home to find Brennan and Dale having a full-on brawl in the front yard (with the neighbors watching). Afterward, she and her husband, Robert (Richard Jenkins), Dale’s father, discipline the adult children like they were really kids.

Part of this involves them sitting Dale and Brennan down to explain exactly what the pair had done wrong. Nancy’s comment of “today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon” comes completely out of nowhere and is laugh-out-loud hilarious both because of the random specificity, and because of how mortified Nancy sounds by the very idea. There are several great quotes from this specific Step Brothers scene, but few match Nancy Huff being outraged by Brennan attacking Dale with a bike.

24 “I Want To Roll You Into A Little Ball And Shove You Up My Vagina.”

Alice (Kathryn Hahn)

Kathryn Hahn has experienced something of a career resurgence in recent years, mainly thanks to her roles in MCU TV shows Wandvision and Agatha All Along as Agatha Harkness, as well as appearing in movies like 2022’s Glass Onion. However, she got her start in comedy movies in the 2000s, and one of her funniest early appearances was as Alice, the wife of Brennan’s brother, Derek (Adam Scott), in Step Brothers. Since their marriage is, in no uncertain terms, incredibly abusive, Alice instantly latches on to Dale when she learns how Dale punched her husband.

However, what makes this moment in Step Brothers so funny is because of how Alice tries to seduce Dale on the doorstep of the family home. Kathryn Hahn gives a hilarious performance, made all the funnier by John C. Reilly’s perplexed reaction to Alice’s strange and oddly specific admissions of lust. She goes into extensive detail about how she wants to roll Dale up and store him in her genitalia, even going so far as to point out how she’d enjoy the feelings of his curly hair tickling her.

23 “I Teabagged Your Drum Set!”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

Even after they’ve moved past their initial animosity and become friends, Dale Doeback’s office drum set is a bone of contention between the two adult step brothers. Earlier on in the movie, Dale makes it clear to Brennan that, in no uncertain terms, he should never touch the drum kit. Of course, Brennan decides to do so at the earliest opportunity, treating himself to a solo session in Dale’s office when Dale is out of the house. Dale notices straight away and confronts Brennan, which Brennan initially denies.

However, Brennan takes things to the next level during this argument by deciding that he’d go and touch Dale’s drum kit again, this time in a much more explicit manner. To Dale’s horror, Brennan marches upstairs and begins to rub his testicles all over the drum kit. This hilarious Step Brothers quote from Will Ferrell immediately follows the act, with the middle-aged man proudly declaring “I teabagged your drum set!”. Of course, this act leads to Dale and Brennan then having a full-on fight in which the drum set gets incredibly damaged, which only serves to make the incredibly childish line all the funnier.

22 “Last Week I Put Liquid Paper On A Bee… And It Died.”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

One of the funniest scenes in Step Brothers is, without a doubt, when Brennan and Dale present their music video for their track Boats and Hoes at Derek’s birthday party. However, the build-up to this moment is just as hilarious, and contains one of Will Ferrell’s funniest quotes in the 2008 comedy. Dale and Brennan decide that, rather than get real jobs, they’d set up their own multimedia entertainment company named Prestige Worldwide. The pair decide that Derek’s party is the perfect opportunity to bring some investors on board, and have created a short presentation to sell the idea of Prestige Worldwide to Derek and his guests.

During the presentation, slides appear that advertise the various services Prestige Worldwide can offer, each with a hilariously bad posed photo of Brennan and Dale. One of these services is simply “research and development”, though they don’t specifiy on what. After Dale proudly announces that the pair can “put in the man hours to discover the science of what you need”, Brennan shyly follows up with his admission about putting liquid paper on a bee. Ferrell’s delivery makes the line absolutely unforgettable, as his inflections sound almost exactly like one would imagine an actual child would make the same statement.

21 “I’m Gonna Take A Pillowcase, Fill It With Bars Of Soap, And Beat The S**t Out Of You.”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

Brennan and Dale initially don’t get on when they meet, and their first night together is defined by the conversation they share while both are in bed. Dale, not happy about Brennan and Nancy moving into the Doeback family home, berates Brennan. Brennan bites back, though, of course, is a little more sensitive than his stepbrother. However, Brennan also isn’t afraid to elevate from insults to full-on threats, either.

After Dale informs Brennan that he’ll be punched square in the face should he fall asleep, Brennan makes an incredibly specific threat of his own. Brennan’s idea to fill a pillowcase with bars of soap is specific enough to be funny on its own, but Will Ferrell’s delivery makes it absolutely hilarious. Like many of Brennan’s best lines in Step Brothers, he stammers a little and sounds unsure of himself at first, with Ferrell somehow managing to almost recreate the mannerisms of an actual child without actually speaking like one. Considering just how violent Brennan’s idea actually is, this style delivery ensures the threat is a laugh-out-loud moment.

20 “You Should Have Never Let Us Make Bunk Beds.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

So much of the funniest aspects of the movie come from how effectively Will Ferrell and Jon C. Reilly become adult children in these roles. Dale and Brennan are stuck in some arrested development, causing them to act like rambunctious young kids stuck in the bodies of men in their 40s. This includes when they excitedly ask their parents if they can turn their beds into bunk beds only for Robert (Richard Jenkins) to remind them that they are grown men who don’t need permission.

This idea goes predictably and hilariously wrong as their poorly constructed bunk beds quickly collapse on top of Brennan. Adding to the persona of these men not understanding that they are meant to be responsible adults themselves, Dale rushes into their parents’ room and immediately puts the blame on them for allowing them to do this.

19 “What Kind Of Dreams Are You Guys Having?”

Nancy (Mary Steenburgen)

Though Dale and Brennan don’t get along initially, they have more in common than they are willing to admit. Not only are they middle-aged men still living with their parents, but they also both experience sleepwalking. In both cases, these forms of sleepwalking take the form of elaborate and destructive behavior. Along with destroying the kitchen and putting the couch cushions in the oven, Dale and Brennan have some very strange conversations in their sleep.

During one of their frenzied sleepwalking incidents, the brothers begin shouting things like “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy” and “The clown has no penis.” Nancy’s confused questioning of what these dreams could actually be about is a question likely in the minds of the audience as well. The fact that there are never any explanations given about the dreams makes it even funnier.

18 “I Wrestled A Giraffe To The Ground.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

Throughout the movie, some of the best Step Brothers quotes have a lot to do Brennan and Dale with one-upping each other. At dinner, Nancy was trying to find common ground for the stepbrothers and said she heard that both were really into kung-fu. This eventually escalated to Dale arrogantly making this claim about battling a giraffe.

It is one of the many moments of absurd humor in the movie with John C. Reilly’s performance and delivery of the line adding to the ridiculousness of the moment. However, it is capped off with the great moment when Dale’s dad immediately calls out his son and says it isn’t true, causing Dale to hang his head in shame. It is as if Dale forgot that his father was there and felt that had he not been called out on it, everyone would have believed his obvious lie.

17 “My Mom Is Being Eaten By A Dog!”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

While there is a lot of fun that comes from Dale and Brennan eventually becoming friends, the early scenes of them hating each other are also hilarious. The hatred b between them comes to a head after Brennan plays with Dale’s drumset which leads to them fighting on the front lawn as Nancy tries in vain to break it up.

However, as Dale and Brennan battled, they watched in horror as a Doberman dog attacked Nancy in all the excitement. This led Brennan to comically exclaim this Step Brothers quote that a dog was eating his mother and he couldn’t do anything to help her. The entire scene unfolds in a madcap way with things escalating and getting stranger and more chaotic. This line stands out as a random moment that makes it even funnier.

16 “Your Voice Is Like A Combination Of Fergie And Jesus.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

Will Ferrell’s singing in Step Brothers is a running joke throughout the movie with it always being described in an over-the-top way made funnier by the fact that it is a pretty average singing voice. Once Dale and Brennan stopped fighting and started working together, they decided to start their own multinational corporation, and they wanted to do it with their music. After some reluctance, Brennan relented and sang his version of the Bonnie Raitt song “Something to Talk About.”

It was ridiculous and a funny rendition, but Dale was awestruck. Like their earlier insults, Dale and Brennan’s compliments to each other are outrageous. While Brennan insulted his performance, Dale said it was a mix of “Fergie and Jesus.” He even added to his over-the-top praise by saying that Brennan turned into a “unicorn” for a moment.

15 “God, You’re Gonna Make Me Cry. What Poem Is That From? Is That James Joyce?”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

As a sign of Brennan’s immaturity, when he starts going to a therapist, Denise, he immediately falls in love with her and takes her professional treatment of him as a sign that she feels the same way. When Brennan takes action in the climax of the movie, Denise praises him but cautions that she says all this in a professional way “with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.”

Brennan basically ignores her words but decides to spin his own meaning out of them, prompting him to ask her if what she said came from a poem. It speaks to Brennan’s self-centeredness that Will Ferrell hilariously portrays throughout the movie. Rather than take her assertions at face value, Brennan is wholeheartedly convinced that Denise is in love with him and nothing will convince him otherwise.

14 “That’s So Funny, The Last Time I Heard That I Laughed So Hard I Fell Off My Dinosaur.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

The battle between Dale and Brennan goes from hilarious extremes of dangerous and serious to childish. While they get into brutal fistfights and even try burying each other alive at one point, they also exchange insults that are hilariously lame yet cut each other to the core. During that terrific first dinner scene with the new family, tensions quickly rise between the two men, leading to a childish exchange.

After Dale sings a vulgar song to mock Brennan’s supposed singing talents, Brennan quips “I remember when I had my first beer.” Dale retorts with this insult about how old that joke was. The line is funny for how infantile it is, but it is made funnier by the fact that it causes Brennan to cry. With the terrible things these two say to each other throughout the movie, it is hilarious that this is the thing that hurts the most.

13 “I Was Watching Cops.”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

One of the best-known Step Brothers quotes has to do with Dale’s precious drum set. Right before Dale finds a chip in one of his drumsticks and launches into a tirade against Brennan, he finds him lying on the couch, drenched in sweat, watching TV. He’s sweaty from playing Dale’s drums, but he’s forbidden from touching them, so he has to make up a lie.

When Dale asks Brennan why he’s sweating so much, he tells him he’s been watching the reality series Cops, which is supposedly so intense that it made him break into a sweat. Even funnier is that Dale’s only onto the lie because he knows that Cops doesn’t start until later. Not only did Brennan think that was a good lie, but Dale didn’t seem to question why the show would make him sweat like that.

12 “Flat. It’s So Flat, I Can’t Even… I Don’t Even Know.”

Derek (Adam Scott)

The introduction of Adam Scott’s Derek in Step Brothers is one of the funniest and most random scenes in the movie. With no context to who these people are, the movie shows Derek and his annoying family driving in their car as Derek forces his wife and kids to sing Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine.” While his kids are into it, giving heartfelt performances that make Derek proud, his wife looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. It doesn’t help that when she’s singing, Derek is constantly criticizing her pitch.

Derek’s true character as an absolute jerk is revealed in his introduction. It’s made even more apparent when he bores into his wife for her off-key singing in the car, saying, “This is $1200 a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get?” He attempts to “save” the song by performing his own solo without ever questioning why this would be important to him.

11 “Listen, Gang, Don’t Be Mad At Dale For Ruining The Story… And Possibly The Evening.”

Derek (Adam Scott)

Brennan doesn’t even stay in the house when Derek comes over for dinner, showing just what he thinks of his brother and further hinting at him being a terrible person. Dale does, but he learns soon enough what a jerk Brennan’s biological brother is. While Derek is recounting the story of why he had to miss Robert and Nancy’s wedding — because he was bonito fishing with Mark Cuban and other famous people — Dale interrupts and asks if bonito are big fish.

Despite it being a harmless and good question, Derek takes strange offense to it and sarcastically calls out Dale for running things. It is even funnier that the usually very grounded Robert sides with Derek, chastizing Dale for such an interjection. It is a moment that shows, as strange as Dale and Brennan are, the movie is filled with bizarre characters.

10 “I’m Dale, But You Have To Call Me Dragon.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

From the first moment Dale and Brennan meet, it is filled with tension. The title sequence of the movie comes as the two grown men stand on the lawn of the house they will share together, staring at each other as if they are gunslingers who are having a standoff. However, they quickly remind the audience how immature they are as they demand to be called these nicknames — Dragon and Nighthawk.

It is an important moment in the movie, with this being their first meeting while also being a moment that foreshadows their friendship to come. While they come off as two children trying to appear cool to each other, it shows their shared immaturity, inflated opinions of themselves, and sense of childlike fun. The fact that these nicknames are barely ever used in the movie makes it even funnier.

9 “I Would Follow You Into The Mists Of Avalon, If That’s What You Mean.”

Dale (John C. Reilly)

The moment that helps to solidify their friendship between Dale and Brennan is when they find a common enemy in Derek, Brennan’s brother, who wants to sell their parents’ house and kick them out. As soon as Dale punches Derek in the face, they’re the best of friends, which brings about one of the most hilarious Step Brothers quotes.

When declaring their friendship for one another, Brennan goes into a long-winded speech about how at first he hated Dale, but after the “courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek,” Brennan hopes that he and Dale can be the kind of friends who “ride majestic, translucent steeds.” Further cementing this new bond, Dale falls right in line with the ridiculous declarations of friendship and loyalty as if they are two brave knights in some medieval fantasy movie.

8 “Robert Better Not Get In My Face… ‘Cause I’ll Drop That Motherf**ker!”

Brennan (Will Ferrell)

It’s not easy to get to know a new stepparent and Step Brothers has a lot of fun exploring the awkwardness and uncomfortable aspects of these arrangements. Dale or Brennan (poorly) coping with the new additions to the family makes for some of the funniest moments. It would be great if everyone could get along, and it could be a seamless transition from the old situation into the new situation, but it’s tough.

When it comes to Brennan, Will Ferrell hilariously plays two sides of this situation; the timid child who is too shy to even call his new stepfather by his first name and the grown man who is ready to fight Robert to establish which of them is the alpha male of the house. Brennan’s threats of “dropping” Robert when talking to his mother disappear when he is actually confronted by the man.

7 “Boats ‘N’ Hoes, Boats ‘N’ Hoes.”

Dale And Brennan (John C. Reilly And Will Ferrell)

When Brennan and Dale fail to get hired at any of their joint job interviews, they decide to give up on their pursuit of employment and go out on their own to start a multinational entertainment company called Prestige Worldwide. They decide to kick off this venture with a rap video filmed on Robert’s boat for their debut track, “Boats ‘n’ Hoes.”

The video itself is another hilarious display of how little self-awareness the two men have, feeling that this low-budget and vulgar rap song will be enough to launch a global business on its own. However, it also becomes a hilariously catchy song that is easy to get stuck in the head of the audience. The simplistic lyrics even make a perfect reappearance during Brennan’s angelic musical performance at the end of the movie.

6 “Stop Being A F**king Dinosaur And Get A Job.”

Robert (Richard Jenkins)

Actor Richard Jenkins doesn’t get many funny Step Brothers quotes. Rather, the humor of Robert’s character comes from his reactions to Dale and Brennan’s antics. But he does get one monologue at the Catalina Wine Mixer in which he’s trying to identify with his two sons, while at the same time imploring them to finally grow up, but never forget what keeps one young.

Robert goes into a tale about how, when he was a kid, all he wanted was to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex, so much so that he would make his arms short, roar, and chase neighborhood cats. He explains that when he was 17, his father told him it was time to “throw childish things aside.” It is a heartfelt moment from Robert that is wrapped up in this ridiculous story which is capped off by Dale and Brennan’s confused reaction.